Adjacent News

A proud alumnus of Clemson’s Department of Forestry and Environmental Conservation, Hobart "Hobie" Witherspoon covers Tiger athletics with a pocket microscope in hand and field boots on his feet. Never seen without a hammer and sample bags, Hobie secretly excavates soil core samples and stadium turf from every road venue in the ACC to scientifically demonstrate Clemson's agrological and botanical dominance. He approaches every game as an environmental audit, operating under the fierce, legally unhinged conviction that any stadium daring to claim the name "Death Valley" without housing an active, live tiger is guilty of federal trademark plagiarism and cultural theft.